Cooking with Foxfur: Eggs Bastardict


I couldn’t sleep the other night. Not as in “I didn’t sleep well”. I didn’t sleep a wink. I think it was due to having another class in the morning at pyrotechnician school with a live fireworks shoot. I ended up quitting my efforts to sleep and got out of bed at 3:00 AM. What to do… I settled on installing a new drive coupler in my friend’s washing machine (where I’m house sitting). 30 minutes later I was bored again. After a brief Facebook discussion about government cheese and bemoaning the fact that it’s no longer available, I was inspired to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I thought grilled cheese with Spam sounded like a fine idea.

As I began to forage the kitchen for proper ingredients I was suddenly inspired to go above and beyond what I had planned. As good and wholesome as it is, the humble grilled cheese was going to have to wait. I decided to rummage through the fridge and cabinets and come up with something blogworthy. I loves me some multi-ingredient cuisine…

I wanted a version of Eggs Benedict that didn’t involve the complexity of hollandaise. One should never attempt hollandaise while sleep deprived. Besides, I didn’t have any lemon juice for the sauce. I didn’t have any Canadian bacon but I did have Spam. I didn’t have English muffins but there were hoagie rolls, you know, the double wide buns that a polish dog is served in. What better to replace hollandaise sauce with than chili? Ready? Here we go…

Eggs Bastardict

  • A hoagie roll (or whatever)
  • 4 Slices of Spam (or bacon, lunch meat, sausage, hotdogs…)
  • 2 Eggs
  • Half a can of no beans chili
  • Seasonings to sex up the chili

The rolls wouldn’t fit in a toaster, not that I had one, so I used what I had. Toast the rolls over a low gas flame. Move them around so as not to blacken them, unless you’re into that kind of thing. I couldn’t get mine all golden brown like a newfangled piece of proper toast but they came out just fine.

If you don’t have a gas stove, use a propane torch. Don’t laugh, it works. Electric burners will work as well.

Cut your Spam in 1/4 inch thick slices and fry until brown.

I'm pretty sure this is the manna that the bible talks about

When done, place Spam on the toasted rolls.

Spam. It's what's for dinner.I almost called it quits at this point…

Next up, eggs! Scoop a bit of fat out of the top of the can and toss it into your pan.

Spamfat is the new butter...A few tips on frying eggs. Whether you use a non-stick pan or a traditional one, always use a fat or oil of some kind. It serves not only to prevent the food from sticking to the pan, which happens no matter which type of pan you use, but also as a heat transfer agent. It forms a conductive film that transfers heat to the food. If you’re concerned about fat intake, in which case you shouldn’t be looking at this recipe, use olive oil. Another tip for perfect fried eggs is to use a cover on the pan. Using one allows the heat and steam to be trapped and cook the tops of the eggs. You’ll have to test out how long to let them go until they’re done to your taste. Over medium heat I let mine go for about 3 minutes.

When the eggs are done enough for you, pile them atop the lovely Spam.

Looks like an owlNext up is the “sauce”. I use many canned foods but never allow them down my gullet without a bit of sexing up. I don’t think I’ve ever met a canned food (or any other food not prepared by me for that matter), that couldn’t use some seasoning. Prepared foods are made to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Don’t be afraid to add unconventional seasonings, just add something. I used Tabasco’s Sweet n Spicy sauce, onion powder, a teaspoon of chopped garlic, and some fresh minced ginger. The chili I found at Grocery Outlet. It’s like a garage sale for food. You never know what you’ll find there. They used to have Spam with Japanese kanji script on the cans…

Never eat something out of a can without modificationsI used half the can. Put it in a small dish or bowl, season it, and microwave it for 90 seconds. Taste and add more crap as needed. Pour the chili over the eggs, top with cheese, onions, fresh parsley, whatever, and grab a fork.

Shazzam!Oh hell yes! That’s a real breakfast. Try finding this at a restaurant…

A friend’s question about cholesterol reminded me that I’d tallied the nutrition information for this light and healthy recipe…

  • Calories: 1030, 550 from fat
  • Fat: 62.5g
  • Cholesterol: 585mg
  • Protein: 55g
  • Sodium: 3050mg

An interesting fact about the cholesterol content of this waistline whittling meal. The eggs: 430mg. The Spam: 80mg.

Spam is healthy. Case closed.

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Forest Grove Sushi, Who Knew?


Forest Grove Sushi

Sometimes I refer to Forest Grove, Oregon as a little shit-kicker town. For the most part it’s a sleepy town of about five thousand folks. It does, however, have a well-groomed downtown area centered around Pacific University, the Forest Grove library, and the city offices. It’s come along quite nicely in the 20 years in which I’ve been visiting.
For a couple of years I’ve been meaning to stop in and sample the cuisine at Forest Grove Sushi. Having done so tonight, my only regret is not having done so when I first thought of it. The design is half and half traditional and modern but with a true countertop glass sushi cooler. The sushi chef does the hand clap, always a good sign in my world. They offer a menu typical of many smaller japanese restaurants here in the states.
I ordered a Oregon roll; crab, avocado, cream cheese, cucumber, and topped with generous salmon and avocado slices that touch the plate on both sides of the roll. Absolutely delicious. The salmon was perfect. ~$8 / 8pcs.
I ordered red snapper nigiri at the same time and was surprised at the thickness of the pieces delivered. The size was impressive as well covering an area twice as large as the nigiri rice it is laid upon. ~$3.50 / 2pcs.
After demolishing the above I decided I needed to gather more intel. Next target: The FG roll. Tuna, salmon, crab, avocado, cream cheese, and cucumber in a roll with the nori on the outside. Again, highly delicious. ~$5 / 6pcs. All of the above were arranged artfully on traditional japanese plates and presented gracefully. The service was prompt and courteous and earned the server a handsome tip.
I ordered some rolls to take home to Sweetpea. An 8 piece California roll, $3.50, and an 8 piece inari roll, ~$3. The inari roll has strips of inari (fried sweet bean curd) with crab, avocado, and cucumber wrapped in nori with the rice on the outside. Sweetpea eagerly approved and promptly destroyed both.
If you’re on your way to Tillamook on Hwy 6, hop off at Banks and head south into Forest Grove to getcha some Forest Grove Sushi. After your meal you can either order some mochi right there or head out the back way from town, Hwy 8, and stop by Scotty’s for a soft-serve creamy cone or other frozen Americano fat bomb.
Damn. I could just kick myself for not having tried their sushi sooner.
Now I know.

www.facebook.com/FGSushi