Hello! My name is Dan Brown…

Helena, of Project Vitriol, has a great post this morning.

She’s found an interesting website that analyzes your writing. You simply cut and paste text from your, or someone else’s, writing and it will tell you who you, or they, write like.

I pasted the text of my infamous epic tale of sushi betrayal into the text box and…

The expert analytical engine concluded that I am Dan Brown.

I suppose, in a way, that it might have a point. That seared albacore roll truly did engage in a rather complicated conspiracy against my taste buds and blew me away with a complex deception that I never would have foreseen. Who would have thought that a simple sushi roll could have participated in such treachery? Not I…

That entry left the mother of all legacies to fester within these pages. It is responsible for directing well over 700 people to my blog with the search terms “mouth shitting” and “shitting in mouth”. Yep. You heard me right. I want to know who the hell searches using this search string and what the hell they are hoping to find with it. I rather doubt that they are looking for my tale after hearing of it from a friend. Perhaps I should include a link to a German porn site here. Or not.

I will have to dig deeper in the future. As the next Dan Brown, heh heh, I owe conspiracy fans a compelling tale of intrigue and betrayal. I am staying in Portland this weekend, home to many enigmatic epicurean establishments. I shall sally forth in search of a dysphoric dining experience to be spun into a horrendous fable of facial food fornication.

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