Cooking with Foxfur: Free Tatas!

We buy our eggs fresh from a farmer friend down the road. We’re always eating eggs; fried, scrambled, omeletified, in fried rice, etc. My favorite way, by far, is to use them in frittatas!

A frittata is kind of like an omelet but has the fixins throughout the eggy goodness instead of atop or inside. I call ’em garbagepail omelets because I’ll throw in whatever’s handy. Too much veggies to fit in last night’s skillet? Have a leftover slice of ham? Is that damned neighbor still smothering you in zucchini? Chop ’em up, throw ’em in. For those of you who have been suffering through reading my blog for a while, you might have caught on to a recurring theme. Lotsa whatever combined creatively resulting in tasty vittles.

This frittata recipe is for four people and is cooked on a stove instead of in an oven. As is usual with my recipes, this recipe is merely a guide that gives methods and theories. If you want to add a little of everything, great! If you want to load it with six bell peppers, wonderful!

Free Tatas!

4 Eggs
1 Small zucchini, diced
1 Small summer squash, diced
1 Small onion, sliced
1 Bell pepper, diced
1 Cup diced mushrooms
8 pieces crumbled bacon cooked to your preference
1/2 Cup diced ham
1/2 Can diced Spam
1 Cup shredded or grated cheese
2 Tablespoons Milk

Beat the hell out of the eggs and milk in a bowl or used quart yogurt container (Foxfur’s favorite). Add salt, pepper, etc to taste. I like to add 2 tablespoons of sweet chili sauce and a teaspoon of mirin. Add the cheese and beat well. Set aside.

If you’re using bacon, reserve some grease to saute the veggies in. Spam will provide a bit of grease as well though not as much. You won’t need to drain it.

Spam. It’s what’s for breakfast!

I go for 1/2 inch diced cubes on the Spam.

When the meat is almost done, toss in the veggies (except mushrooms) and saute until crisp-tender. Add the mushies if you’re using them (you really should be…) and go for another 2 minutes.

Don’t worry if it looks like you have too much good stuff in the frying pan, it is simply not possible. The eggs will always find their way through.

Now beat the egg / cheese mixture once again and pour over the veggies somewhat evenly so the cheese is equitably distributed.

Shake the pan to move the veggies around and spread them a bit so as to preclude bitching about Timmy getting more meat than Susie…

Slap a cover on the pan and let it go on medium heat for 8 to 10 minutes. You’ll have to figure out the heat and time that your stove works best at but unless you scorch the hell out of it, it won’t be a problem. We like the bottom of ours a bit past brown.

Here’s a peek at the tatas halfway through the thermal coagulation period:

You’ll notice I’m cooking on a hotplate. I actually do most of my cooking on it. Cooking on our electric range feels like I’m in a cave. I like cooking out on the island in our kitchen. I do the same for stir-fry cooking with a West Bend electric wok. Sometimes I’ll cook on an open fire in the front yard…

Once you no longer see any eggy goo on the top of your creation, it’s done!


Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes, quarter it up with a spatula, and sling onto plates.

I made one yesterday morning with red, orange, and green peppers, red and Walla Walla onions, squash, zucchini, olives, fried potatoes, bacon, prosciutto, crab, and avocado. Oh hot damn!

Frittatas are good for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They’re good at room temperature or cold from the fridge. I throw a coupe slices in a ziploc bag and carry ’em in my pack for a lunch on the trail. They’re great sandwiched between pancakes or waffles. They rock when topped with sour cream, ketchup, Tabasco sauce, more cheese, or any combination of the above.

This 4 egg frittata serves four people comfortably. I’ve never scaled it up as it’s just Sweetpea and I eatin’ on it. It should scale up just fine. Please let me know how it works out for you either as a 4 egg or an 18 egg monstrosity.

Cooking With Foxfur: Huevos Volcanoes

Here’s a recipe I’ve been making for almost 20 years. Have some leftover mashed potatoes, some eggs, and an oven? This is a great recipe that takes just a few minutes to prepare and 20 – 25 minutes to cook. It should be fun to make with the kids. I can’t positively say that as I have no rugrats of my own, but, since you get to play with the potatoes with your hands it’s a safe bet they’d really dig it.

Foxfur’s Huevos Volcanoes

  • ~1 Cup room temperature mashed potatoes
  • 1 Egg
  • Salt, pepper, or whatever seasonings you like on yer huevos

Place a 1 cup glob of the mashies on a greased cookie sheet, cast iron skillet, or piece of aluminum siding (remove paint first!). Use bacon grease for best results though Crisco (butter flavor rocks) or oil will work fine. Shape the glob into a Mount St. Helens type of volcano:

Eggs cook faster in volcanoes than ovens…
This one holds 1,000,000,000,000 eggs.

For 1 egg it should look like this:

Make the crater deeper than this…

Crack an egg on a spoon edge and carefully pour it in the crater. If you drop some shell bits in there, you’ve got some extra calcium. Don’t try to get them out. Just don’t. If you absolutely must (rebel!), be sure to use something like needlenose pliers, hemostats, or a roach clip.

I said carefully because it’s nearly impossible, heh. My crater wasn’t deep enough and turned out like the north face of Helens with a blowout / spillover. This ain’t Martha Stewart.

Now we’re cooking!

Sprinkle some salt, pepper, and garlic powder atop your huevo. For a treat you can place a spoonful of salsa or bruchetta it the crater pre-huevo. Heat your oven to 375F and stick it in. For a soft cooked egg with a runny yolk, shoot for 20 minutes. For a cooked through egg go out to 25 minutes.

Take the volcano out of yer horno (that’s Spanish for oven, gringo) and let it cool for 5 to 10 minutes. Gently jam a spatula halfway under it from multiple directions to free it from the sheet, skillet, or siding. Lift with the spatula and transfer to a plate and throw a side of bacon or Spam down next to it. I had bulgogi with mine for a complete leftover breakfast sweep.
Dowse with Tabasco or ketchup or both.
Scale up the recipe for more people. I’ve cooked up to 6 at once.
I’d continue ranting but I’m going over to a friend’s house to set stuff on fire. I’ll post some pics of that after I’m released from the burn unit…

Cooking with Foxfur: Eggs Bastardict

I couldn’t sleep the other night. Not as in “I didn’t sleep well”. I didn’t sleep a wink. I think it was due to having another class in the morning at pyrotechnician school with a live fireworks shoot. I ended up quitting my efforts to sleep and got out of bed at 3:00 AM. What to do… I settled on installing a new drive coupler in my friend’s washing machine (where I’m house sitting). 30 minutes later I was bored again. After a brief Facebook discussion about government cheese and bemoaning the fact that it’s no longer available, I was inspired to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I thought grilled cheese with Spam sounded like a fine idea.

As I began to forage the kitchen for proper ingredients I was suddenly inspired to go above and beyond what I had planned. As good and wholesome as it is, the humble grilled cheese was going to have to wait. I decided to rummage through the fridge and cabinets and come up with something blogworthy. I loves me some multi-ingredient cuisine…

I wanted a version of Eggs Benedict that didn’t involve the complexity of hollandaise. One should never attempt hollandaise while sleep deprived. Besides, I didn’t have any lemon juice for the sauce. I didn’t have any Canadian bacon but I did have Spam. I didn’t have English muffins but there were hoagie rolls, you know, the double wide buns that a polish dog is served in. What better to replace hollandaise sauce with than chili? Ready? Here we go…

Eggs Bastardict

  • A hoagie roll (or whatever)
  • 4 Slices of Spam (or bacon, lunch meat, sausage, hotdogs…)
  • 2 Eggs
  • Half a can of no beans chili
  • Seasonings to sex up the chili

The rolls wouldn’t fit in a toaster, not that I had one, so I used what I had. Toast the rolls over a low gas flame. Move them around so as not to blacken them, unless you’re into that kind of thing. I couldn’t get mine all golden brown like a newfangled piece of proper toast but they came out just fine.

If you don’t have a gas stove, use a propane torch. Don’t laugh, it works. Electric burners will work as well.

Cut your Spam in 1/4 inch thick slices and fry until brown.

I'm pretty sure this is the manna that the bible talks about

When done, place Spam on the toasted rolls.

Spam. It's what's for dinner.I almost called it quits at this point…

Next up, eggs! Scoop a bit of fat out of the top of the can and toss it into your pan.

Spamfat is the new butter...A few tips on frying eggs. Whether you use a non-stick pan or a traditional one, always use a fat or oil of some kind. It serves not only to prevent the food from sticking to the pan, which happens no matter which type of pan you use, but also as a heat transfer agent. It forms a conductive film that transfers heat to the food. If you’re concerned about fat intake, in which case you shouldn’t be looking at this recipe, use olive oil. Another tip for perfect fried eggs is to use a cover on the pan. Using one allows the heat and steam to be trapped and cook the tops of the eggs. You’ll have to test out how long to let them go until they’re done to your taste. Over medium heat I let mine go for about 3 minutes.

When the eggs are done enough for you, pile them atop the lovely Spam.

Looks like an owlNext up is the “sauce”. I use many canned foods but never allow them down my gullet without a bit of sexing up. I don’t think I’ve ever met a canned food (or any other food not prepared by me for that matter), that couldn’t use some seasoning. Prepared foods are made to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Don’t be afraid to add unconventional seasonings, just add something. I used Tabasco’s Sweet n Spicy sauce, onion powder, a teaspoon of chopped garlic, and some fresh minced ginger. The chili I found at Grocery Outlet. It’s like a garage sale for food. You never know what you’ll find there. They used to have Spam with Japanese kanji script on the cans…

Never eat something out of a can without modificationsI used half the can. Put it in a small dish or bowl, season it, and microwave it for 90 seconds. Taste and add more crap as needed. Pour the chili over the eggs, top with cheese, onions, fresh parsley, whatever, and grab a fork.

Shazzam!Oh hell yes! That’s a real breakfast. Try finding this at a restaurant…

A friend’s question about cholesterol reminded me that I’d tallied the nutrition information for this light and healthy recipe…

  • Calories: 1030, 550 from fat
  • Fat: 62.5g
  • Cholesterol: 585mg
  • Protein: 55g
  • Sodium: 3050mg

An interesting fact about the cholesterol content of this waistline whittling meal. The eggs: 430mg. The Spam: 80mg.

Spam is healthy. Case closed.