Wow! So soon?

This morning, two christian missionaries knocked on my door and wanted to share some good news and bible revelations with me. I decided to begin our conversation by discussing some of the revelations I’ve had in the past couple of months.

They were more than a little shocked at my story and especially so, visibly so, at Sweetpea’s response to it. They wasted no time in page flipping to quote me chapter and verse of how I was wrong. Of how god hates sinners. They actually said that to my face. God hates sinners. Ouch. That hurt. They suggested that I examine myself and pray for god’s wisdom and correct my evil ways. I informed them that I had examined myself and I was completely comfortable with myself, who I am, and god’s love for me. In fact, I have talked to god about it. He’s totally fine with me and very glad that I have stopped hating myself for what I thought I was and have started loving myself for who I truly am. He has blessed me with a wife who has gone beyond anything I had ever guessed she would and who loves me unconditionally like he does.

They then shared that the gates of hell are open and waiting for me not only for who I am but for blasphemy against god. I was not feeling very uplifted or inspired. Perhaps I was expecting too much from them. What I was expecting was a give and take conversation. A civilized discussion of ideas. Perhaps a bit of understanding. What I received was hate. It was ugly and totally devoid of the love and compassion. To me, it felt like they directly contravened what god has asked his followers to consider and practice. It appeared that they themselves were passing judgement on the spot and all too hastily to have considered what potential damage they might be doing not only to their own credibility but to that of their core mission and focus. I pointed this out to them. They responded that god leads them in all that they do. I responded that it did not appear that they’d asked godand had acted impulsively in passing judgement on me. I asked them if they’d like to take a moment to reflect on that and that we could bow our heads and pray about it together if they wished, heh heh. Their eyes were shooting sparks like that wind-up nun you can buy at Spencer’s. I wasn’t trying to elicit that response. I was trying to give them a moment to consider what kind of impact they were having on me. They had no interest whatsoever in taking a pause to cool off and consider the message that they had just delivered.

Do you know what I really wanted to do to them at that moment. I wanted to hug and let them know that we’re all special in god’s eyes no matter what we do, who we love, or how we choose to express that love. To hug them into submission to the fact that we can all be wrong about things and that it’s ok as long as we don’t hurt others feelings or insult them because they do not agree. To show them that even though we are in complete disagreement on interpretations of what morals and ethics mean that we can still love each other.

Though I wanted to, I did not. It would’ve been a threatening gesture and perhaps insulting one as well. Instead, I related those thoughts verbally. I’m disappointed to report that the reception fell short of what I’d have liked to have seen. I told them that though we disagreed and though they still showed me open hostility that I loved them. That I respected them for opening themselves up to rejection and ridicule from less than understanding souls who might heap grief upon them for sharing their message. That theirs is a decidedly difficult path to walk and must take incredible strength to persevere in the face of such obstacles. I made sure that they understood that I meant this from the bottom of my heart and meant no insincerity or insult. They had cooled somewhat at this point. I asked them if we could agree to disagree and let god sort it out. They really surprised me with small nods. Again, I truly wanted to offer each of them a hug to let them know that I wasn’t angry with them though I had every right to be. Instead, I walked them to their car and wished them safety as they continue their mission deeper into the hills of the hollow up the road. I also told them that I forgave them for their insult to me and my beliefs and those of my wife’s and for committing trespass upon my property. I waved and they actually waved back as the did a seven point turn to turn around and drive back down the mountain.

My apologies to readers expecting snark and venom. That was a choice I had in this encounter. One that was incredibly tempting. God was it tempting. But I decided that the only way to deal with intolerance is acceptance. It was difficult maintaining my cool at times but was a great demonstration to myself that it could not only be done but be done well. I really do hope they will think about how their behavior reflects upon them and what they hope to accomplish. I could have shoveled them a much bigger pile of hate than they served up to me, believe me, I’ve got plenty of surplus from years of hating myself that would have been all too easy to misplace and project. Sometimes we need to do that which we don’t want to do. After we do it we can see why it was a better decision. I feel bad for them and their intolerance. I don’t feel bad about myself though. If I’d have chosen the angry way I’d probably still be shaking with anger. Instead I feel a satisfying calm and tranquility. I like that.

I haven’t been to church in more tha 20 years due to the all too common politics and infighting present in any church. I’m done with having someone filter and interpret information for me. Me and god are still friends. We still talk from time to time. Please don’t waste my time trying to tell me that your church is different. It’s not.

Fighting fire with fire does have its place though. Had these been true haters instead of misguided individuals my response would have been much different. While I carry love in my heart I also carry a .45 automatic on my side. That’s my other savior.