Tag Archives: Burning Man

Pyro School: Special FX Fireworks & Mobile Flamethrowers

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I attended another pyrotechnics course at the same place as I took my general operator’s courses. The class was focused on proximate fireworks: fireworks designed to be used quite close to audiences and performers in theater, movie, television, concert, and sporting venues.

Flashpots, strobes, comets, crossettes, mines, gerbs, lances, airbursts, etc. Lotsa stuff to choose from. I’ve made and used many of these over the years and had a great time with them. You’d be amazed to see how close you can be to a properly designed and constructed pyrotechnic device…

The special FX pyrotechnics demo set up outside the classroom.

Comets and crossettes.

A concussion mortar. Loaded with an ounce of flash powder and ignited by an electric match, it sounds like a cannon…

Here’s my video of the live fire demonstration given today:

Also demonstrated was a commercial flame projector. Though nothing like the ones that I build, it’s still impressive for the simplicity of the device.

A commercial flame projector (“poofer”).

A view of the projector’s gas orifice and hot surface ignitor.

A video of Ken explaining and demonstrating:

Another highlight at today’s class was my friend Espressodude whom I build stuff with and camp with at Burning man. He has built “The God of Hellfire”, a motorized flame effect platform that traverses a full 360 degrees and elevates from 0 to 90 degrees (horizontal to vertical). With twin “flamethrowers” and an all electric firing system, it is quite possibly the coolest thing I’ve ever seen anyone build in their garage. He brought the flamethrowers out to my property a few weeks back for testing after the fire department asked him not to do it at his house anymore… Today was the first full system test. He had a custom trailer built to carry the self mobile platform that allows operation without unloading.

GoH in action.

His “Field Artillery Tractor” which is the tow vehicle. He built this during the winter of 2010.

Rear view of GoH.

A video of the God of Hellfire in action today:

I’ll share more on this particular project in weeks to come…

Pyro School: Finale

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I’m finally finished with all of my coursework for my Washington state pyrotechnician’s license! The last course, as far as I’m concerned, was the best of all. We spent a bit more than 2 hours setting up and loading racks of mortars and wiring them up for electrical firing. We spent less than 2 minutes firing them…

1 3/4 inch shells with ematches installed.

Electrical firing allows the operator a greater degree of control over the timing of launch of the shells which can give a show a nicely polished appearance. It also makes timing the show to music a bit easier. Lastly, it is quite a bit safer than hand firing shells due to the removal of personnel from the mortar racks.

Ematches are used instead of fusees (road flares) to ignite the fuses of the shells. An ematch is simply a wire bridge, a low resistance, small diameter wire that heats upon applying electrical current. The bridge is at one end of a small gauge pair of wires while the other end has stripped ends that are shunted, twisted, together to reduce the possibility of inadvertent ignition. The bridge is coated with a mixture of flammable compounds that burn insanely hot when given the juice.

A classmate loads a 2 1/2 inch shell into a mortar.

Wiring shells in series for simultaneous firing of three tubes.

More wiring...

More wiring...

Connecting the leads to a firing slat.

The firing slat runs alongside the mortars. This one has 50 individual pairs of connectors allowing 50 cues (single or multiply connected items) to be fired from the board in any desired order.

A full fan rack hooked up and ready to go.

Espressodude doing some wiring...

Espressodude is a good friend of mine and is the one who nudged me into earning my Oregon and Washington licenses. We camp together at Burning Man and build propane flame effects together at home in the Portland area. He is a crew member with Black Rock FX, an awesome group of highly skilled and dedicated pyrotechnicians who coordinate, install, and fire many fireworks and effects displays at Burning Man. They did the Flaming Lotus Girls Tympani Lambada as well as The Trojan Horse shows last year. If everything goes right and I get the nod, I will be on the crew this year in some capacity…

All loaded and ready to go...

20 roman candles quickmatched together.

Smaller candles are typically not used in big shows. Smaller shows like high school games and grand openings and the like will use them quite a bit due to their low cost.

Pepper (middle) was itching to spray somebody with the class A extinguisher.

Pepper is one of almost ten folks at the display company (where we trained / launched at) who have switched from tobacco to personal vaporizers (e-cigarettes).

A 200 point firing board.

The firing board shown here will set you back around $4,000. They’re well made and will stand up to a shitload of abuse (within reason…). Each point, when touched with the stylus, the black test probe, will fire whatever is hooked up to the corresponding point on the slats. The slats connect to the 50-pair connectors at the upper right. The board is powered by the sealed lead-acid 12 volt battery shown atop the board. It is connected to the board by the terminals at the top left corner. To the right of the terminals is a switch that selects between test and fire. In the test position it restricts the outgoing current to a few milliamps in order to check the continuity of each circuit. If the cue is ok, you’ll see a light illuminate as well as hear a tone from the speaker. Although we check each cue before connecting it to the slat terminals, something can always go wrong. Test twice, fire once. There’s no do overs during the show…

Each connector at the lower right corner of the board connects to a 50-pair cable.

A classmate firing his shells.

Shells launching!

Espressodude shooting his load...

The candle racks firing...

My training card sits atop my copy of the show report.

I need four more live shoots, two letters of recommendation, and the passage of a state exam to obtain my Washington state license. Two more live shoots and passing a state exam will net me my Oregon license. Because I love certifications and licenses (locksmith, gunsmith, heavy equipment operator, alarm and security installer, etc.), I’ll probably go for my Idaho license as well.

Fireworks display companies are always looking for people to help on their shows. Think about it. Most folks spend their Fourth of July eating brats (or chasing them) and passively watching fireworks shows. Then there’s us pyros. We’d rather let someone buy tens of thousands of dollars worth of fireworks for us to fondle, er, handle, load, and fire. Unless you’re the lead pyro you won’t be making much. You’ll do well to cover your gas and get a lunch or dinner out of it. Money isn’t the point of it though. The opportunity to work with like minded individuals and the chance to entertain a crowd with the harnessed power of a thousand year old art form, that right there is payment enough for me.

Remember, fireworks aren’t just for the 4th. New Years Eve, Christmas, weddings, parties, funerals, grand openings, and movies are but a few other events that make use of splodey goodness.

Google your area or state for fireworks display companies and give them a call. Most will be glad to train you or tell you where you can obtain training. Most states don’t require licensing to fire shows. Of course, if you don’t have a license, you can’t lead a crew on a shoot. If earning some extra money is one of your goals, get your license, put some time in as a crew member, get to know the operators, build a reputation as a safety conscious and hard working individual, and you’ll be able to lead your own crew.

 

Blowing Sh*t Up For Fun And Profit

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For those of you who don’t know it, I like fire. All kinds of fire. Flamethrowers, road flares, Bic lighters, candles, fully engulfed oceangoing oil tankers, the sun.

Of all forms of fire, I think I love fireworks the very best. How can such small things contain such massive amounts of fiery goodness? One word. Chemicals. I love chemicals! Ok, back to fireworks. I have had a serious obsession with fireworks since I was a wee lad in short pants. My earliest memory must be from the womb when mom went to a firework show at Griffith park. I remember it like the day…

Last year a friend (who really likes espresso) suggested to me that I earn my pyrotechnician’s license. I thought this was a magnificent idea! He brought it up again last month and I went ahead and registered. The actual name of the certification is a General Public Fireworks Display Operator’s license. With it (and state / local permits and insurance, etc.) I will be able to design and produce small to massive public fireworks shows. I can purchase, handle, load, and fire the kind of fireworks that you’ve seen at Disneyland and on the Fourth of July. These aren’t the ones that you find at a roadside stand. These shows can range from $1,000 to, well, there’s no outer limit.

I went to my first class today and I’m going to ace this thing. We spent the day focusing on safety for the crew, crowd, and ground based flammable objects other than flammable people. We were regaled with stories of people who, for one reason or another, were made to pay the stupid tax. Some of them were good enough to pay their own while others made bystanders pay it for them (the slimy bastards!). Our instructor is an incredible man with 54 years of professional experience in setting up and running shows and now owns and operates one of the largest fireworks display companies in the world. The training is incredibly inexpensive, in fact I’m positive he’s losing money doing it. He enjoys sharing his knowledge and experience out of concern for the continuing safety of both operators and observers.

Ok, enough with the words. Y’all know how much little Foxfur loves him some photos, so, let’s get on with it!

Look! It's a buffet!

A canister shell, triple-break shell, 2 inch through 12 inch round shells, electric matches, salutes (LOUD bangs), mines, and tools.

Whoops!

Mortars are the tubes used to launch the shells and are usually buried up to their necks in the ground or in sand filled boxes. When you hear the “Thump!” and see a dim trail of sparks heading upwards, it’s a shell that came from a mortar. The cylindrical base under the ball is filled with black powder, coarse grains unlike sporting powder, and functions in the mortar tube just like a cannon launching a cannon ball. Most of the time the shell goes up, goes bang, and the crowd goes “Ooh!”, “Ahh!”, or “Wheeeeee!”. In this instance the crowd probably went “WTF???”. The shell burst prematurely in the tube and kind of blew it to hell. I say kind of because that while it is obviously trashed, 95% of the tube is still there though not where it was when manufactured. The tube is made of HDPE which does not shatter or splinter. Instead, it deforms and largely stays intact preventing the nice fireworks man from being perforated and being made terribly unhappy.

A bank of three 5 inch mortar tubes.

The Foxfur shell… Swells until it bursts in a cloud of yay!

12 inch aerial fireworks shellI’m thinking of adopting! A fine example of a 12 inch aerial shell. The pattern (burst) is a bit over 500 feet in diameter.

Oh that silly Foxfur!

The next two classes will involve live firing of shells. After that I’ll be firing a show at a major northwest sporting event and one at a firefighting training facility. I’ll give them some good practice…

I’ve been told that I may be given a place on a team of pyrotechnicians at Burning Man 2012 to work on some major fireworks shows this year. This would be a true honor and privilege and would be one of the highlights of my burn. As goofy as I come off, you can bet your last dollar that I’m dead serious about safety, hard work, and attention to detail. If I’m going to put my name to something, I’m gonna do it right.

Updates to come…

Kangaroos, Barbies, and Ball-Gags

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Being a crafty bastard, I was CC’d on an email between members of Burning Man’s “Barbie Death Camp” on an interesting art project to be displayed in front of their camp. The friend asking the questions is from Australia. She’s excited about her upcoming road trip across America during which she will be driving up to Oregon to stay with us for a night or three, yay! The friend answering the questions lives on the east coast and has had her fair share of adventures in traveling around the country.

Aussie Friend:
“I have the pattern marked up for a fabric 5 foot tall roo. He will be sewnup and packed into my bag.  I aim to have his body sewn up in the next couple of weeks. The head will take a little longer.

He will be “rooting” a barbie. It’s all a bit nasty.  It also involves a gimp mask on the roo and a ball gag for barbie. I hope I don’t scar any small children. It won’t be the cute roo that you see as a kids toy.

Here are some technical questions:
d) need a wooden trestle to “bend barbie over – ideas on that pls.
e) “toys” like gimp masks and ball gags are really easy to get here – and I could make them (but I do not want to fly to the states with those in my
bag) – in America am I going to easily find them? Or are they mail order only?

Anyway – views pls

And yes if there was a way I could get said roo to shoot fire I would. But given he is fabric then that won’t happen.”

American Friend:
“What size Barbie are you using? Getting a ball-gag to fit might be a challenge. They do sell them here though and I’d be happy to  scout around my stores though I wouldn’t rely on anybody having any specific item in stock on the day you roll through.

Though actually a driving tour of the US punctuated by sex shops along the way would be quite interesting! The Midwest might be good hunting ground for that stuff: I found a very large and well-stocked porn shop in Indiana once, gosh. Nothing else to do there I guess?”

Some photos to give you an idea of the theme of the “Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro”:

I’m working on some ideas for incorporating fire into the kangaroo. I can’t decide which would be more artistic: The roo breathing fire or shooting fire out the ass.

I’m open to suggestions…

Flammable People

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For some time now I’ve been playing with a phrase in my mind. Flammable People. It popped into my brain last year and I had nothing to do with it other than giggle when I think about it. I’ve decided that it will be the name of a flame effects collective that I’d like to assemble. It would consist of people who build and operate both propane and liquid fueled (gasoline, diesel, kerosene, alcohol) flame effects devices.

I was messing around with MSpaint and came up with some concept graphics to use for the collective. I pulled an image of a DOT flammable placard from a safety supply website. In the second version I added a pedestrian icon from iconpedia.com. I’d like to find someone with the capability to print some prototype (small run, 5 – 10 pieces) placards and / or vinyl decals.

Flammable People Rev 1

 

Flammable People Rev 3

I’ve also thought of using Flammable People as a Burning Man camp name. It wouldn’t necessarily mean that everyone who would be part of it would have to build or operate flame effects. Fire admirers, junkies, and groupies would be 100% welcome. The next graphic might just become a gift sticker at the burn in 2012. Depending on the length of the name of 2012′s theme, it may be included as well.

Flammable People Rev 3 Burning Man 2012 Gift Sticker

 

Creative Cooking with Spam

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Call me silly, many do, but I absolutely adore Spam. The wife and I go through 3 cans a week. Really. The most popular consumption method in our house is “Spambled” eggs.

Spambled Eggs

  • 1/3 to 1/2 can of spam, cubed (1/4 to 3/8 inch cubes)
  • 1/2 medium white onion, sliced or minced
  • 4 medium or 2 jumbo eggs
  • 1/2 tsp vinegar
  • Salt and pepper

Lightly brown the Spam cubes in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Stir / toss every 30 seconds. Add the onions to the Spam and cook until translucent. Crack eggs into the pan and add the vinegar quickly. Stir eggs to incorporate everything into the mix. Cook until it’s done to your taste.

The vinegar keeps the scrambled egg “clumps” smaller, gives a creamier texture, and adds a nice tang to the eggs. I use rice vinegar, usually seasoned (has salt & sugar in it), but I’ve been using garlic rice vinegar lately. White, cider, and wine vinegar work just as well, it makes no difference at all. You can omit it entirely if it creeps you out but it won’t be the same…

Onions. I typically use white onions. I’ve used yellow, red, Walla Walla sweets, Hermiston sweets, And Maui sweets and they’re all wonderful, especially the WW’s.

Flamethrower Spam

  • 1 Can of Spam, sliced
  • 1 Coat hanger
  • 1 Propane flamethrower

Pull the Spam loaf from the can intact. Stand upright. Slice into 6 slices. Use wire cutters to remove the hook and neck of hanger. Straighten hanger then fold in half. Put a few twists in it 6-8 inches from the pointy end and sightly spread end. Slide a slice onto hanger. Light flamethrower (it helps to have a friend run the flamethrower) and hold the Spam in the middle of the flame, turning and moving constantly. Cook until browned. Serve with your favorite side dish.

A medium flame works best until you perfect your technique. Knowmad the bunny runs the ‘thrower in this photo.

Mmmmm!

If you don’t have a flamethrower, a charcoal fire, camp fire, house fire, or burn barrel will do just fine. Here’s a link to an episode of my cooking show that shows the technique:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HORuS9gOtQw 

Enjoy the Spam. Don’t be afraid of it. The ingredients are listed right on the can. Don’t believe the bullshit about ‘mystery meat’, lousy quality, or the rumor that it’s made from people. If it was good enough for grandpa, it’s good enough for you.

Fire Toys

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Here’s some photos of propane burning fire toys I have built. While I’d love to make a step by step tutorial, the nature of these systems prevents me from doing so. They aren’t inherently dangerous, quite the opposite actually. Rather, the construction and operation of them by individuals unfamiliar with building systems like these may lead to accidents that can be prevented by a little bit of knowledge. I built this “fire poofer” based on seeing photos and diagrams elsewhere on the net. The first two photos show the construction details of poofers. These are from The Department Of Spontaneous Combustion. The concept is simple. The poofer consists of an accumulator tank that also serves as a base. Rising from the accumulator is a manifold consisting of an inlet for the propane gas, a safety valve to shut off flow to the solenoid valve (or hand operated whistle valve), a solenoid valve (or whistle valve – a quick opening and closing valve typically used on steam whistles and air horns), a vertical ‘stack’ or pipe leading upwards, and a pilot light to ignite the released propane as it emerges from the top of the stack. My manifold is truly overbuilt. It is made up of stainless steel and 5,000 PSI hydraulic fittings (propane gas pressures seldom exceed 150-160 PSI). It’s what I had laying about in my workshop. It can easily be built from plumbing fittings available at most home improvement stores for less that $100.

Poofer fired by electric solenoid valve. It allows multiple poofers to be fired individually or simultaneously by remote control or programmable controllers. Of course, it can run a single fire poofer using a button like I do with mine.

A manually operated poofer. I'd recommend stepping up to a whistle valve for smoother operation.

The rest of the pictures are of my fire poofer.

Yes, yes I can!

Overall view

A closeup shot of the manifold

The pilot light

A wide open blast. It sounds like a jet engine. Has a deep throaty whistle / roar.

At Burning Man. Running it with short bursts or 'poofs'

Controlling the solenoid valve with a signal generator

My "Auto-Fire" control

A finished view of the "Auto-Fire" controller box. The 10-turn pot allows fine control of the firing rate. It ranges from around 1 shot per second to 17 per second. On and off periods are identical, i.e. 1 second open, one second closed. Future iterations will allow adjustable periods independent of each other.
The timer circuit is based on a 555 timer IC and a solid state relay. It's a 4 channel relay so it has expansion possibilities.

A video of the poofer running in Auto-Fire mode:

In manual burst operation it will produce fire rings in still air

I don't know what this one came from but it's from something of ours and looks cool

One of our propane flamethrowers (modified Manchester Power Jet commercial weed / brush burner)...

The Manchester Power Jet hand burner puts out 750,000 BTUs. See details at Manchester’s website. They’re not cheap. Expect to spend around $200. Here’s one for $130. That’s just the burner, no hose or regulator. They have a package deal including them which costs $220. I don’t use a regulator with mine, never have, not needed. I want wide open, right now, burn it all kind of flames. You can get a 10 foot hose online or at a propane dealer. The valve that it uses is what’s referred to as a whistle valve. It allows nearly instant full opening as well as infinitely variable flame adjustment.

A whistle valve available online from McMaster-Carr.

Here I'm running two Power Jets and the fire poofer at the same time. I'm using a foot switch to run the solenoid valve on the poofer.

 

A manually operated poofer:

The manually operated poofers can use a whistle valve (best due to the speed of operation) or a ball valve (less expensive). Electrically operated (using a solenoid valve) poofers cost the most to build and require a power source to operate the valve. I like them due to their adaptability to automation and remote operation. Manual ones are quite safe to operate but you are so close that you can’t appreciate the look of the fireballs and flares.

Be careful and have fun. Wear all cotton clothing when operating any fire toy. Synthetic fabrics melted onto skin are decidedly un-fun…

Feel free to leave a question or comment below. I’ll try to answer your questions. Be sure to click “Notify me of responses” or whatever it says so you’ll know when I answer it. You’ll have to enter your email address to use this option but don’t worry, you won’t get any spam from me or WordPress.

Brooklyn Badges – Inappropriate Merit Badges for Adults

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Mish mentioned some kind of funny and improbable merit badges that were available somewhere. Our friend Elaine posted a link two weeks ago on her page that pointed me right to the source. Brooklyn Badges. Robert Marbury is the genius behind these extremely high quality embroidered patches. He has 21 different badges available. I’ll display some of them below. I’ve attached them to my Burning Man un-safety vest to show everyone just how accomplished I am in various improbable areas of dubious skills.  

Safety Third!

 Among the badges are:

 

Apple Bong Badge

 

Bacon Appreciation Badge

 

Crop Dusting Patch
 
Drunk Biking Badge

 

Drunk Showering Badge

 

Spanner in the Works Badge

Over the course of my life, I have demonstrated my proficiency in the skills necessary to truly earn these badges. Until now I had no means to share these accomplishments with the world. Robert has finally given me a way to show others just how damned good I am. Thanks Robert!

They are amazingly affordable at just four bucks each. They are of amazing quality and it appears they will stand the test of time. Robert’s customer service is second to none and he uses faster than light shipping technology. As far as I recall, they arrived the day before I ordered them! Now that’s fast.
 
Go see his entire line of badges at Brooklyn Badges.

 

The nicest megaphone on the playa

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Bunny and I set out for the deep playa on Sunday afternoon. We were heading for the chill platforms, seven raised platforms with futon mattresses and cloth shades with a revolving mirrored heart in the center, to relax and kill some time. Upon arriving we found all were occupied… We rode further out into the playa and happened upon a tall triangular structure. As we rounded the corner to the open side we saw two gentlemen comfortably lying down, one with a megaphone. Just as I thought we were going to get a blast of abuse, the guy opens up with “Hello! We’ve been waiting for you…”. The volume of the megaphone was just barely audible. He said a few more very nice things that I cannot remember. We had a wonderful conversation exchanging light talk and compliments; me with my voice and him with his megaphone. I gave him his new name: The Nice Megaphone Man. I opened my backpack and dug around for something appropriate to give these fine people and came up with a chocolate pie. They accepted it warmly and almost disbelievingly. I dismounted my bicycle and went to sit with them. Sitting only feet away we continued our chat with him still talking barely above a whisper over his gentle megaphone. I couldn’t stop smiling. This encounter was one of the most memorable I’d had so far for its simple kindness and good humor. I sat and drank some water, nibbled on a snacky cake, and enjoyed the shade the structure provided. The nice magaphone man eventually curled up for a nap with his head on his companion’s belly. They looked so tranquil. It was contagious. As Bunny and I rode off, that tranquility stayed with me. We went back to the platforms, found one open, and curled up for our own nap.

My summer vacation: What I did at Burning Man

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Burning Man 2011 was my first burn. I’ve been meaning to go for 15 years but work and caring for sweetpea had kept me away until this year. I retired a year and a half ago and Sweetpea said to just go and do it.

The desert is one of my favorite places to be. I was sent to many deserts while serving in the US Army, but the Black Rock Desert in northern Nevada is unique among them. No sand for starters. Just talcum powder fine alkali dust. No plants, no animals, no washes or dry streambeds. Just flat wide open expanses that stretch for 30 to 70 miles with only mere feet in elevation difference. It is truly one of the most beautiful environments that I have ever had the privelege to visit. I was there in late July, long before 55,00 other people were there to share it at the burn. It was quieter than anywhere else I’d ever been and totally empty of everything. Nothing but lots of nothing. That all changed in early August when advance crews began to build the world’s largest temporary city.

What I did at Burning Man…

I played with my fireball generator, AKA “Fire Poofer”. I design and build propane flame effects and built this one, “Grizelda MK IV”, to bring out to the desert.

Elder Wrong, Burning Man’s own PBR guzzling Mormon missionary, manifesting his own “burning bush” through the miracle of the fireball generator. You can follow Elder Wrong and his mission at: http://ElderWrong.wordpress.com

Directing traffic on ‘A’ street. DO NOT fuck with a man with a sign, a gun, and orange hair. It’s just not a good idea…

 

Hanging out with the pretty ladies of Burning Man. This is Piney. She is one of the founders of the Booby Bar, a bar featuring two giant domes with huge pink nipples on top. Sadly, 2011 was their last year of exsitence as supporting the boobies was just too tiring and didn’t allow enough time for the supporters to experience the burn. Piney is also a member of Reno’s “Controlled Burn”, a fire conclave that features fire spinners and very large flame effects including two liquid shooters firing 20 gallons of gasoline into columns of fire reaching altitudes of 100 feet into the night sky.

Firing sunset salutes with FOGBANK, the propane & oxygen fueled sound cannon built and operated by Espressodude. The sound of the cannon reaches 180 decibels, twice as loud as an F-16 with afterburners engaged. Espressodude also served up over 50 pounds worth of Starbucks coffee beans in the form of espresso to the citizens of Black Rock City. His espresso, made with one of his two commercial espresso machines, was provided free of charge to the citizenry. His name comes from the fact that he uses his machines at home to consume up to a dozen shots of espresso per day. He is a VERY high energy individual and I can’t even begin to keep up with him…

Brushing my teeth and having it documented by Ben tang of Ben Tang Photography.

Roasting and eating midgets in Terminal City. Here I have shrunken Elder Wrong and thrown him on the barbee. We ate of his flesh but, of course, he was raised from the dead with no complications. We saved some leftovers for him which he greatly enjoyed…

Hanging out with more of the beautiful ladies of Burning Man. Here is the exquisite Miss Savannah. She handmade a wonderful pendant for Sweetpea who was unable to attend. I am honored to count her as a friend and was privleged to be able to wrap my arms around her for hugs and photos.

The pendant Savannah made for Sweetpea. So many of my friends know and love Sweetpea from my frequent mentions of her. Notice the map cast under the resin and the words “Black Rock Desert”. Thank you so much Sav. The Sweet One and I love you very much!

Dressing up for nighttime adventure. I’ll let you use your imaginations… The skirt made from a pair of US Army paratroopers trousers was graciously given to me by Quick, the beautiful Chief Warrant Officer of MASH 4207, “The Best Care On The Playa”, a medical relief camp providing comfort to the afflicted of BRC.  The gold helmet is my genuine kevlar helmet brought home from my gig in the US Army.

Cooking Spam with my 1.5 million BTU liquid propane fueled flamethrower. Knowmad provided the heat while I held my meat. Nom nom nom…

Sunset over the Flaming Lotus Girls 2011 fire art installation, Tympani Lambada.

Burning Man, something to do before you die.

Tend your own garden, please

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As I have come to accept the fact that I am able to love both women and men, I have also come to accept the fact that I am able to love myself. This is possibly the most important lesson learned during my discoveries. The old dictum is absolutely correct. One must love one’s self before one may love another. One of the ways I can tell that I love myself is the absence of the self-abuse which had been a part of my life to one degree or another for nearly four decades. Chemical, physical, psychological, sexual. Substance abuse. Risk taking. Self hate & suicidal ideation. Denial of physical sexuality.
These are gone. I have no longer have a use for them.

—

 
Something else I have realized as of late is the equivalence of caution and judgement.
A few friends have expressed concerns about my well-being and that of my relationship with my wife. I understand your concerns. You need to understand this: Repeated cautions are dangerous to OUR relationship, friends, truly they are. For when you continually voice your opinion that I should do this or shouldn’t do that, these suggestions come across as judgements. When you voice these judgements in a public way, as rejoinders to my words as expressed in a public forum, these judgements tell others that you don’t trust MY judgement. This is not acceptable.
You must bear in mind that Sweetpea and I have had many deep discussions about where I am and where I am going. When I came out to her I truly had no idea what would come next. I had an inkling that now that I knew what and who I was, that that would be enough. The psychic pressure was relieved by the simple knowledge and acceptance of that internally. I had no intention of becoming a practicing bisexual, none at all. My relationship with my wife was paramount and primary. When she not only accepted who I discovered lived inside of me but also encouraged that man to emerge, explore, and enjoy himself, it was almost more than I could believe. She has suggested non-fiction and educational literature that I may want to read to learn more about who I am and what it means. She has offered me some of her favorite gay erotica to read. Yes, HER favorite male-male gay erotic fiction that she has been reading for years unbeknownst to me (this partially explains her easy and open acceptance of my new reality). She has told me of the boundaries she is comfortable with. We have discussed the possible outcomes of my future relationships with men that I intend to become involved with. We have discussed the fact that some of these people may want more of a permanent relationship, one that does not include a wife on my part and how this is unacceptable to both of us. She is the one that equipped me with protection, though I had already done so, before going to Burning Man and encouraged me to explore my friend or others who would be there. She is the one who has told me that it is important that I no longer deny myself that which I have desired for so long. She is the one that has told me that it is important to her that I express and experience myself to the fullest extent to which I feel comfortable. She knows what she is in for and is very aware of what may happen in the future.
Believe me friends, I know the risks that lay ahead of me on this new path, in these new fields, in these new beds that lay before me. Believe me when I say this. Believe. Know that I accept your fears. But also know this: I am deeply involved in my relationship with my wife. I know us. Trust me. I have far more of a vested interest in the continued success of this relationship than you will ever know or will ever imagine. You cannot possibly appreciate the nuances of our relationship just as I do not presume to know them in yours.  I have been blessed with something far beyond acceptance. Permission. While I do need your love, I do not require your permission. That I already have. Continued insistence and continued warnings come across as a subtle but no less corrosive form of intolerance. As a form of distrust and misgiving. Even as a form of jealousy. That you may not accept these, my interpretations of your intentions, is of no matter to me. The matter to me is that you accept me for who I am. Who I am includes my choices and my freedom to make those choices unhindered by your misgivings and worries. The best thing that you can do is to keep these insecurities to yourself. I would not dare to offer you marital advice in a public manner. All I ask is the same consideration from you. I ask this in love, in friendship. If you truly feel that you must administer a warning to me, that you must share your fears of failure with me, please do so in a private communication. To do otherwise is to advertise to the world that you lack confidence in my ability to make decisions for myself without your guidance and input. It not only shows disrespect to me, it shows in a very public way that you discount the wisdom of my wife and elevate your knowledge and judgement above that of hers.
I love you,
Foxfur

Shyness…

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Though you’d never know it from this blog I am actually quite a shy person. I’ve always had trouble with initiating conversation with people and joining in group activities due to it. It has held me back in so many ways and I feel that my shyness has been responsible for my missing out on many wonderful experiences in life. Whether it is a lack of confidence, a poor self-image, or social anxiety, it can be a true hinderance to allowing yourself to participate in one time interactions that can lead to lifelong friendships. There’s nothing worse than kicking yourself for not having been more outgoing and feeling regret that you were in a crowd of lovely people but didn’t make the seemingly simple move of reaching out.

In the past three months I have been drawn out of my shell by a number of different means. I decided to go to Burning Man where there will be 55,000 opportunities to interact with others. I registered at the forums at Eplaya on the official Burning Man website: eplaya.burningman.com. The people I have met there are extremely friendly, welcoming, and inclusive. Be prepared for a bit of snark but keep in mind that it’s all in good fun and don’t take it too seriously. Meeting the wonderful folks online has led to meeting dozens of them in the flesh, both here in my home area and at the Compression Fire & Arts Festival in Reno. (See my blog entry on Compression). Below is a post from Eplaya that got me to thinking about shyness and inspired this post as a way to reach out to other shy people.

Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

by brody » Fri Aug 12, 2011 11:50 am

Hi. Are you shy? Do you have a hard time walking into a camp full of complete strangers and striking up a conversation? Does the idea of walking out of your tent in a crazy outfit strike terror into your heart? Fabulous! My people! Read on.The dumbest mistake I made my virgin year was expecting the playa to entertain me. Waiting for other people to reach out to me and draw me in, figuring all I’d need to do was show up and I’d somehow be assimilated into the vibe. I was intensely shy, and didn’t have much experience figuring out how to insert myself into an unfamiliar culture. I had all the stuff I needed to survive, except social skills.Burning Man is full of 50,000 people who are more-likely-than-in-normal-life to want to talk to you due to our participatory culture, but they’re still just people doing their own thing. If you are desperately shy and walking around hoping someone will talk to you- it might happen, it might not. But if you make an effort to talk to other people, the results will likely be good. If you don’t make an effort, you might be disappointed. And lonely. And nobody wants that.

Here are some suggestions that have worked well for me, perhaps some might work for you too. I’ve managed over seven years at Burning Man to transform myself from a desperately shy person into someone who is less-shy and can easily talk to others. Most of the time. I still have my moments of wide-eyed terror and wishing I had a book to hide behind.

Smile. Seriously. Shy people are sometimes seen as angry, aloof, haughty, unfriendly, you name it. Pretend you’re outgoing. Yeah, it’s terrifying. Do it anyway. Burning Man is a good place to practice looking friendly. Smile at everyone until your face hurts. Then take some ibuprofen and smile some more.

Have some conversational starters. Not “lines”, per se, but there’s a few things I’ve found that most everyone wants to talk about. I have great success with sidling up to strangers and asking “what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen today?” or “what’s the best piece of art that you’ve run across?” or the like. Everyone has wildly different experiences! Explore them.

Wear It Anyway! If you bring costumes to Burning Man but then feel uncomfortable going out in them, wear them anyway. You might feel terrifyingly like the center of attention when you step out of your tent in something that pushes your comfort zone, but you look pretty normal to everyone else. Nothing is normal in Black Rock City, so the weird becomes the norm. People enjoy complimenting each other on costumes (if they notice you at all). It’s a good conversation starter, too. Ask that person wearing the fabulous costume if they created it themselves.

Float More, Steer Less. Try an experiment where you let the whims of others dictate your day. Walk up to strangers and ask them for a destination suggestion or an activity. When they say something like “go climb the Man base and check it out” or “go visit XYZ camp and do (activity)”, do it. Once you’ve accomplished that task, ask someone else. Repeat. Have adventures. Or get distracted on the way. Whatever.

Go to an activity you find in the What Where When guide. You’ll meet people there because you’ll all be doing the same thing. It provides context, and context is a great way to meet people.

Meet your neighbors in the next camp over. Bring a snack or a drink or just a smile. Ask where they’re from, how their journey to Burning Man went. Let them know that you’re there to help if they need anything. They will usually offer their help too, and often a seat in their shade and a beer and an invite to sit a spell and chat.

Go to the Volunteer table near Playa Info in Center Camp, and ask if they need volunteers anywhere. Many projects and departments need volunteers. Having a Job makes it easy not to be shy.

The Nuclear Option. If all else fails and you feel desperate yet brave, make a sign (hand-held or on a t-shirt) that says “I Am Shy” and go hang out somewhere. People will come talk to you because, well, shit, we’re all shy sometimes.

HUGS!

 
Please visit the original post at the Eplaya forums here:

Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

As of this writing there are 80 responses to Brody’s original post. Most are responses in which others share their experiences with shyness and offer tips and strategies for dealing with it. I have taken much from these responses and will implement them in daily life. Consider registering at the forums so that you can leave a response and participate in the conversation. Don’t be shy about it…

Something else that has helped me in my fight against shyness is this very blog. I have always loved writing and putting my thoughts down in a journal or other permanent record. What better way to battle one’s shyness than to put your ideas, thoughts, and intensely personal experiences before the world? I have shared some extremely private thoughts on this blog in an effort to not only help myself but to hopefully help others in coming to terms with very difficult issues. The decision to share those thoughts at the very beginning of this blog has made a positive impact in my life. It has been very therapeutic for me to go out on a limb and find that I didn’t fall. In fact, others have stood beneath that limb to offer their support and assure I do not fall. If I do, they will be there to help me back to my feet and back up into the tree.

Brody has also posted a condensed and edited version of the original Eplaya post on the Burning Blog: http://blog.burningman.com/2011/08/participate/tips-for-shy-people-at-burning-man/ 

Nothing will instantly pull you out of your shyness. But by taking small steps, reaching out to others, and taking tips from the linked posts and experiences of others, we can begin to chip away at the wall. Don’t let shyness keep you from enjoying life to its fullest. Coming out takes many forms. Coming out of your shell is just one form, a form that allows you to begin a new journey that leads outside of yourself and into the larger dialog with others. That dialog may lead to many opportunities that you may not have known existed. Come on out!

Favorite quotes

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These are some quotes that just tickle me…

“You go into any men’s section and it’s all blacks and browns, walk over to the women’s area and it’s like getting a blow job from a rainbow.”

Her: I’d totally make out with you!
Me: What??!!?!
Her: Sorry, I was talking to her (points at the girl working next to her).
Last time I was at the Dairy Queen drive thru…

“I need a platonic sugar daddy.”

“Telling a guy I work with to try a sandwich shop down the street,
His response:
“Na, I want something smothered in something” “

“Embrace your freedom to be angry and eat junk food.”

“Larry says to bring him a toothbrush. And some Crest whitening formula! He’ll gift you a Pall Mall nonfilter…”  Me to another person when I told them I was camping with Larry Harvey at Burning Man.

 

Email from Adam Stennett

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I emailed Adam to let him know that I had blogged him. This was his response:

“Thanks Steve!

It’s always nice to hear from people who really connect with my work. Thanks for sharing it on your blog.
I see you are going to Burning Man.
I have had many good times there.
Have fun!

Adam”

Why am I not surprised that he’s a burner?

Scroll down a few posts to see his art and a link to his website.

Meeting Georgie Boy

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Last Sunday I met Georgie Boy in the flesh!

Alas, I realized that my previous rendevous with Georgie was simply a dream. Last sunday Kernul Killbuck chauffered me to Mister Jellyfish’s secret lair to meet him in the flesh. Dreams really do come true!

Kernul Killbuck and Nilasnake with the Killbuck Urban Assault Van. Luxury transport that commands attention. Scrumptiously appointed interior...

The heart and soul of Georgie Boy. Now this is my kind of pornography! Those who know me know it’s true.
Professor Munz tremulously performing reconstructive surgery on Georgie. And look! Georgie has a twin. Who doesn’t love twins?
The lovely and talented seamstress Posha creating the drapes that will surround Georgie and his friends.
Who doesn’t enjoy a singing rodent quartet?

Please do your part to help Georgie and friends make it out to the desert. Remember, you are not just donating to obtain fabulous schwag but also making it possible to bring comfort and joy to thousands, nay, tens of thousands of people. Please donate today!

Donate to Georgie Boy at IndieGoGo 
I thank you for your participation.
Lovingly yours,
Foxfur
 

Please Help Georgie Boy!

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Georgie Boy Needs You!

Georgie boy recently had a house fire that destroyed oh so many of his pretty things. He belongs in the desert and YOU can ease his process of coming out. I let him tap my ass, let him tap yours. It won’t hurt nearly as much as you think and you might even enjoy it. I know I did. Philanthropy with a reacharound. What a concept. I contributed at the Executive Producer’s Level. In doing so, Georgie has made all of my dreams come true! Just look at the lovely note he sent me:

My darling Foxfur,

You have been all too kind in lending me your support. I feel compelled to return your love and affection by naming you as my Executive Producer, you sweet thing you. There may be others but you will always be my first. There is often no reward suitable for such philanthropic endowments, yet I feel I must offer you something beyond that which I have offered to others. I will direct my minion, Mister Jellyfish, to lovingly emboss your unforgettable name next to those of the scrumptious darlings who have made it possible for me to come out. To go along with this public display of my adoration, I will shower you with all manner of lovely and divine gifties. Although I would rather surprise you, I simply cannot contain myself. Here is what I would would like to provide you with as but a small token of my gratitude:

An autographed picture of me, Georgie Boy, Fallen Queen of Broadway.

A private video of me whispering sweet nothings of your choice. Please, I can say no more than 20 words as you’ve taken my breath away.

My undershirt for you to sniff, feel, and wear. It will remind you of our special time together.

A four button remote control allowing you to interrupt me at any time you wish. Simply step up in front of my art installation and press a button to interrupt the game and I’ll turn to engage in a brief conversation with you… personally! YOU will have the power to control my desires, to make me say “Yes”, “NO”, and perhaps even “You arouse me so”. I’m not sure that my minions will be able to do this, but a boy can dream, can’t he? Regardless, The crowd around you will see that you have the key to my heart and that you are able to stop me in the middle of my performance to pause and chat with you. How’s that for special treatment?

And finally, It would give me great pleasure, even more pleasure than your hot little ass has already given me, to bestow upon you a bottle of cheap brandy and a beautiful snifter with which to sip it with. I’d be so honored if you would attend a torrid little soiree that I’ve planned in the desert. Just imagine the two of us in a passionate embrace, sipping brandy while others watch. Fabulous!

Alas, I must end this letter of love. Poochie feels the need to address his bodily concerns. As much as I regret having to end this missive, I would regret it even more were he to soil the carpet. Again. Please oh please do come to see me. I will never forget the comfort and joy that you have provided me in my time of need.

My heart belongs to you,

Georgie Boy

Now isn’t that sweet? He’s a dream and I miss him so. I just can’t wait to see him again. Only five more weeks and we’ll be together… Please visit him and consider contributing. Not only will you receive his undying affection, you will be showered with a load of his wonderful schwag. Now get behind him and do your part, lover…

Georgie’s Bio: Georgie Boy: Fallen Queen Of Broadway Homepage

Note: You will see a funding statement in the sidebar stating that the project is fully funded. This is a LIE! It DOES NOT reflect the fact that poor Georgie has suffered the catastrophic house fire that destroyed critical parts of the animatronic and material components that are essential to bringing this art project to life and to Burning Man 2011..

Donate to support Georgie Boy: Georgie Boy: Fallen Queen Of Broadway, Fundraising page at IndieGoGo

Georgie’s Facebook Page: Georgie Boy On Facebook

Mister Jellyfish’s Facebook Page: Mister Jellyfish On Facebook

Both Georgie and I thank you!

Flattering my way out of a ticket…

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I went off roading yesterday and massively grudge fucked Smurfette, my truck. Power slides, small jumps, and a bit of pothole bingo had her feeling a little rough around the edges. Fast driving on logging roads has a wonderful way of clearing the mind. All extraneous thoughts evaporate when you’re tightly focused on sliding through turns and avoiding monster chuckholes, not to mention oncoming logging trucks(!). When I went out this morning and noticed her right rear paw was totally flat, my plans for the morning went right out the window. Normally I’d squirt in a can of fix-a-flat and call it good. I kept a tire going for almost 2 years that way once. I’m driving to Reno in a couple of days (to Compression), so I figured I’d seek professional help. On looking at the tread wear I realized that I truly needed new tires. I left a note for Sweetpea letting her know where I was going and also wrote, five times, “I will not go shopping at Goodwill.” No shit, I really did write that. So I headed in and dropped off Smurfette for her new shoes ($300 for two plain vanilla tires!). While the tires were being installed I walked down the street to the malt shoppe and had breakfast, passed by Goodwill both ways. Afterward, I picked up the truck and was on my way to the hardware store when I realized I had nothing to wear with either my fur or Mad-Maxian coats! Ripped t-shirts and scrubs just won’t work with them. (Sweetpea disagrees on the scrubs.) I wondered if writing “I will not shop at Goodwill” five more times would have prevented me from realizing the fact. Probably not.

I made my stop and scored some amazing shit. Mostly spandex sports shirts. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find shirts without huge logos or other advertisements on them? Damned near impossible. On my way to the register I told myself I wouldn’t browse the ladies sportswear racks for any more sweats, either. Ha! I found another killer pair of Nike’s with cute trim on the lower legs and a Kappa jacket with male & female silhouettes running down one arm. Their price tags even matched the color of the day so I got them for 50% off! Destiny. I headed home very pleased with myself and my finds. I didn’t even realize I was in a 25 MPH zone when I saw the pretty lights behind me. I noticed I was doing 45 MPH! This was turning into an expensive day…

I pulled over and looked in the rear-view mirror and was pleasantly surprised on seeing a female sheriff’s deputy. Cute as a button and walking taller than her 5′ 5″ frame should have allowed. She walked up to the window and I was completely smitten. Though not deployed, she had the cutest little dimples I’d ever seen. Man, I had to figure out a way to bring em out! I also noted her body armor. Oh My God! You’d swear they’d done a custom layup like a cast on her. They fit each other VERY well. I’m not being chauvinistic, I’m just stating the facts. The authority with which she carried herself had every bit as much to do with my overall impression as her face and body did. You could tell she takes excellent care of herself, not out of vanity but out of pride and duty. I gave her my papers and she went back to her vehicle to call it all in. I racked my mind trying to think of who made her vest. It was a female vest specifically made to fit a woman’s contours without masculinizing or flattening the chest. Hmm, that narrowed the field a bit. When I saw her heading back, I decided on Second-Chance as the maker. When she again approached my window I managed to get it out. “Deputy? I noticed your Second-Chance armor. Not many officers care to spend that kind of money on body armor. They sure know how to make a nice fitting vest, don’t they?” Bulls eye! Instant dimple deployment WITH a side of blush! She smiled and looked down a moment. When she looked at me once more I could see a goodly bit of humanity shining through. I asked her if her spouse bought it for her. She replied that she bought it herself. I complimented her on it and told her that I own a Second-Chance and that my wife bought it for me because she wanted to protect her investment with the best vest that money could buy (True except Sweetpea found it in a dumpster..). She nodded her approval and asked if I had a trauma plate. No, I don’t. She recommended looking for a plate on eBay and that they’re only about 25 bucks for an alloy steel one… Mrreow, Hot!

When she asked me if I was aware that I was doing 47 in a 25 zone I told her I wasn’t going to waste her time denying it. By her reaction I guessed that’s not a common response. She wondered what the big rush was so I told her I’d just been clothes shopping for Burning Man (amongst other things). Her face lit up like a thousand watt spotlight. She’d been to Burning Man for her first time last year! Yay! I told her it would be my first time and that I was so excited just having scored some more killer clothes for my outfits. By this point things were starting to look up for me and I got all chatty and excited. I asked if she wanted to see what I got and she said “Yes!” I decided to pull out the trump card, the brown Nike nylon shell sweats with big pink strips, not stripes, from mid-calf down to the ankles. She loved them and said her partner had a pair just like them to which I replied that I rather doubted it and where was he anyways? She giggled (yes, it was a really was a giggle and it pushed my cute-o-meter into the red zone) and said SHE was probably picking up THEIR kids from school right about then. I already thought she was super cool and this totally confirmed it! She told me she thought I’d look great in them. I blushed bright red, and she showed no mercy… She pointed out my blush and told me not to worry, there’s no reason to be embarrassed about with wearing them. Puhleeze! I was blushing because a beautiful woman of the law was saying I’d look great in them! I kinda already knew I did, having tried em on in the dressing room at the store, much to the consternation of the employees in the little hick town where the store was. I went through the rest of my scores and she regaled me with stories of her first year at the burn. She asked me where I’d be camping and had actually been to Terminal City! It was turning into a total roadside love-fest, whee! I asked her how long her and her partner had been together. 14 years, same as me and Sweetpea have been married. Hot damn! We ended up showing each other photos of our wives, telling how we met, etc. (I met Sgt Sweetpea on a military firing range, Deputy Delicious met hers at a Blazers game.) I showed her my shoulder armor (Loved It!), my riot shield, and my fur coat. Glad I hadn’t taken them out of the truck. After another 10 minutes of gabbing, she got a call, dammit, that was was evidently more important than our majorly significant conversation. She told me that the next time I go shopping I should slow down a bit on the way home or risk wrapping my hot little ass around a pole and not make it out to the desert. She didn’t actually say the ‘hot little’ part, but I knew she wanted to. (Indulge me…)

As she headed back to her vehicle, I asked where she’d be camped this year. She yelled back, “9 & F! Stop by for a drink!”. I normally don’t drink but I’m gonna make an exception this August. I really hope to meet her and her partner out there. She rates a very special gift. Perhaps a vial of some garnets I dredged out of the Rogue river last mining season. I titled this post with the word flattering, but make no mistake, I meant every compliment I gave her. What a jewel! I sure wish we had more deputies like her out there, sigh…

When I got home I told Sweetpea all about my big adventure. She did get a bit jealous when I told her the whole ‘Deputy Delicious’ story, heh heh. That was nothing compared to when she saw the clothes. “You always find the best clothes!” Yes, yes I do. She pointed out the size tag on what is my favorite shirt of the lot. Size 16-18. Now I know my size for Nike golf shirts. If it feels good, wear it! Nike makes some pretty comfy sweats, too.