Hey!
I forgot to tell y’all.
I came out to my mom and brother last Thursday!
I was planning on doing it in person but my brother left a message saying he knew exactly what was up after I sent them an email letting them know I’d be down next month with some big news.
So I called and talked to mom. Turns out they’d figured out something else entirely different! Bro had figured out that I’d taken up romantically with my long time friend, Miss Bee, and formed a triad with her and Sweetpea. Mom figured that I’d taken up with her and was planning to leave Sweetpea!
Mom and bro have known her as long as I have ever since I brought her home some 25 years ago and they love her as much as I do. We were very close then and have been since we reconnected three years ago. Actually, our friendship has grown closer since I came out to her and also since she left a dysfunctional long-term relationship. She’s the sister I never had and she thinks of me as the brother she never had. We’ve never so much as kissed. We simply offer each other genuine friendship, support, and counsel.
I told mom what my big news was before she told me what they’d come up with. I mentioned it pretty casually since I thought they knew. Since it wasn’t even close, she was quite surprised and taken aback. I apologized for being so matter of fact about it and said I should have worked up to it a bit. Hindsight is 20/20…
The upshot of it is that both she and my brother were / are 100% supportive and accepting! In reality they were relieved, “Whew! He’s just bi and not with another woman.” It hasn’t changed a thing and they both told me their love is not lessened a bit by it! They were honestly surprised and so happy that Sweetpea has been able to accept it and be supportive and encouraging about it. They were glad to hear that Miss Bee was the first one that I came out to and could not think of a better person to do it with. Both were also pleased to hear that I’d found somebody to form a relationship with and am taking things very slow, not rushing into anything. They greatly admire Sweetpea for not feeling threatened by him and are amused by the fact that he can call here and Sweetpea thinks it’s cute when he does. SP has said she doesn’t mind if my “mistress” calls me though I told her he’s more like my “mister”.
I am very fortunate to have the friends and family that I do. I have heard so many stories of folks like me who when they finally came out with it have been faced with rejection and hostility. I count myself lucky in so many ways. Miss Bee frequently reminds me of just how wonderful a wife I have in Sweetpea. She is so right and I thank her for this. It not only refreshes my perspective but also reminds me that others admire her for her open and loving acceptance of me.
On another front, I came out to my cousin. He came out as gay to his family when he was 16-17. He was disowned by his mom, dad, and siblings. My mom had / has no problem with it nor do my brother and I. Jairus was so deeply hurt that he refuses to talk to any family member, direct or extended. It took me three years to contact him. I wrote to him of my status to let him know that I truly identify with him on his life in a way that other family members just can’t. He wrote back telling me that he has decided that he needs to focus on his life and does not have any room or time for blood family in it anymore. It was a real slap in the face. Granted, we are about 20 years apart in age and the last time I saw him he was about 7 years old, so I don’t really know him well. But hey! I let him know that me, my brother, and our mom all love him, care about him, and fully accept him. I guess I expected a positive response. He’s a young guy, in college, sort of idealistic and naïve… I’m hoping he’ll come around some day. In the meantime it still hurts my heart to know that he’s not willing to communicate with me or the family members who truly do love him.
I’m glad your coming out went well for you; kinda sad that it didn’t go well with your cousin but, given the shit he got put through, I’m not really surprised about how he feels about the whole thing. It’s really hard to be positive about something like this when your same family was being anything other than positive, yes? Perhaps in time he’ll realize that you two have something in common and may soften his stance but, until then, don’t hold his reluctance against him.
Thank you Kdaddy! A little explanation of the family…
My identical twin brother and I were adopted at birth. The mother that raised us, Mama Fox, the only mom we knew until we were 18, is such a wonderful person. Loving, caring, and always accepting. My cousin is on my biological mom’s side of the family. I haven’t informed my biomom yet. Perhaps in the future. I have no doubt that she will be accepting of me but at present I see no need for it.
I am very happy now that my core family and friends know and accept me for who I truly am. Now, by extension, most of the rest of my friends know due to my having posted a link to this post on Facebook. In the small preview blurb that appears under the link on FB it has the first three sentences. I didn’t get too much feedback, except for core friends (and the mister) but can just imagine the reaction of friends I grew up with. I posted it because I have reached the point in my life where I no longer place much importance on what others think of me and my actions. I posted it with a grin due to this attitude. If there are negative opinions, I have not heard them. I commend my friends for their accptance and also greatly respect the ones who may have a problem with me for their restraint.
My cousin now has something to think about. Maybe realizing that I am sort of in a different ‘branch’ of the family, he will be more likely to come around to the fact that I accept him. He now knows of our commonalities. I’m leaving it up to him. There’s no reason to push it.
I’m so hapy for you Steven! I’f I was there I’d give you a big ol kiss on the mouth and smile. and smile. and smil….
Thank you Knowmie! A kiss on the mouth? Yay!
Something that has always kinda amazed me is when we tell people that we’re bi, ooh, we’re suddenly very interested in what they think about it or has to say. Yeah, I know that telling them is one thing – and a huge monkey off your back… but it’s their acceptance that really makes the difference and more so if whatever relationship you have with them continues unaffected.
I remember the conversation I had with my sister about my being bi! She just came up to me and asked, “What’s this I hear about you sucking dick?”
I replied, “What about it?”
She said, “Um, I thought you liked, uh, you know, pussy?”
I said, “Yeah, I do – what’s that got to do with what you asked me?”
She said, “Is it true?”
I said, “Well, yeah, it is; does it surprise you?”
She just shook her head and had this funny smile on her face. While she stood there absorbing what I had to say, the only thing I was “worried” about was whether or not this factoid would hurt my relationship with my sister – kinda. If she accepted this about me and it’s business as usual, fine – that’s great. If not, well, it’s my choice and decision and if she wasn’t grown up enough to accept it, that’s not my problem.
She finally said, “Hey, whatever floats your boat, right?” That ended the discussion and since I had her acceptance, it did make me feel better.
I’m gonna hafta have a chat with Mama Fox. I’m no homewrecker!
So glad that milestone is behind you. Your mom and bro are two loving, awesome people, and you knew they’d stand by you but nonetheless…and there were a lot of emotional “hangtags” on that step. No going back now…thank gawd! — The Tomboyfriend
Thanks again dear. You’re the best Tomboyfriend ever!
I’m kinda wondering if ol’ Foxy’s gonna share his thoughts about taking the plunge for the first time; his thoughts and feelings about this could be very helpful to other bi guys out there who’ve yet to get their feet wet in this!
Not saying that he has to… just wondering if he will, that’s all.
Umm, wow. Hmmm… Hadn’t given it any thought to be honest. Damn. I’ll have to think about it…
I think it would be very helpful to first timers. But…
I’ve been pretty outspoken so far but I think that would be more than I’m comfortable with at this point.
I’d also have to use the “Age, Sex, Obscenity” warning confirmation screen at that point
That’s really too bad about Jairus… Can’t understand it… Oh well, some peoples kids. I’m happy to see no negative feedback. Yet. If so, and be it local, I’ve got a hickory stick ready for a new coat of stain. I Love You Bro…
Thanks Chris! Your acceptance means so much to me. I’m proud that you’re my brother.
I love you too!